


The Colour in My Gray Life

by natsucchi29



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, F/M, Female Eren Yeager, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-24
Updated: 2016-03-25
Packaged: 2018-05-28 17:53:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6339421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natsucchi29/pseuds/natsucchi29
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>- original post date: March 2015<br/>- embarrassing fact: this was also before I realized espressos have a fixed size of a cup – the uber tiny ones – because NO ONE DRINKS ESPRESSO LARGER THAN THAT… to be honest, I just googled which coffee is the most bitter :P</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> \- original post date: March 2015  
> \- embarrassing fact: this was also before I realized espressos have a fixed size of a cup – the uber tiny ones – because NO ONE DRINKS ESPRESSO LARGER THAN THAT… to be honest, I just googled which coffee is the most bitter :P

It started with a sudden unavoidable urge of wanting to consume caffeine due to the bitterness of his colourless everyday life, and lead to something so unexpected Rivaille was overwhelmed with wave of feelings.

“Hi, welcome to Café de Maria, home to the City of Maria’s finest brewed coffee” greeted the highly cheerful, green-eyed brunette that Rivaille assumed is in her late teens. “What would you like to have?”

‘I love you, Rivaille-heichou…’

“Espresso. Small.”

“And, can I get your name, sir?”

‘Heichou! Wake up, Heichou! Please don’t leave me! Heichou!!’

“Rivaille …”

The girl froze for a second, and then carried on. “Two dollars, please.”

‘Eren… live on.’

—

For the rest of the week, Rivaille has gone back in many times, but he hasn’t seen the girl again. ‘It’s Eren… I just know it.’

This time, a blond teen that’s around the same age as the girl a few days ago has become Levi’s server.

‘Arlert?’

“What will you have, sir?” The blond asked.

“A small espresso, please.”

“Anything else?”

“No.”

“That’ll be two dollars.”

“Here,” Rivaille said, as he reached out to pay. He hesitated, but he has got to know. “Hey, isn’t there a girl named Eren who works here?”

“Ah, yes! But she’s on leave this week. She’ll probably be back in a couple of days.”

“Thanks.”

Feeling hopeless, Rivaille ended up walking around the busy streets of Maria when he caught a glimpse of the girl he’s been looking for… or so, he thought.

“Sorry,” said the girl. “I’m not Eren. You’ve mistaken me with someone else.”

Rivaille sat down on a bench, further disappointed with what he’s done.

‘I just want to see her again. Is that so wrong?’

“Is there something wrong?”

When Rivaille looked up, it’s as if his wish has been granted. A brunette girl with a familiar shade of green eyes appeared before him.

He desperately clung onto her, as if begging for his own life. “Eren? Eren!”

The brunette girl didn’t feel strange… or maybe she’s just being polite. She simply responded, “Yes?”

“You’re Eren, right? Eren Jaeger?” said the salaryman in his 30’s.

“Yes, I am Eren Jaeger,” said the brunette. “Have we met somewhere before?”

Rivaille couldn’t believe his ears. ‘Does she not remember anything?’

“Ah, did I say something wrong?” She looked worried. “May I know your name, please?”

“Rivaille…”

She paused long enough to make Rivaille assume that hearing his name stirred something in her. “Ah, I remember you!”

Rivaille lit up. “Really?”

“Yeah, weren’t you the one who ordered a small espresso at the Café de Maria store around here? I work there! Nice to meet you, Rivaille-san!”

Rivaille’s face fell. “Yeah…”

“It’s getting a bit late, so I’m going.”

He waved, and watched as the girl with the pair of green eyes walk away.

‘I guess she’s forgotten about me.’


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- original post date: March 2015  
> \- embarrassing fact: this was also before I realized espressos have a fixed size of a cup – the uber tiny ones – because NO ONE DRINKS ESPRESSO LARGER THAN THAT… to be honest, I just googled which coffee is the most bitter :P

“Armin? Are you waiting for someone?” Eren asked.

“I’m waiting for that stalker guy,” Armin replied, with skeptism in his features.

“Stalker guy?”

“There was a guy a few days ago who asked about you. He doesn’t fail to come everyday!”

“Huh?”

The cling signified that there was a customer who just came in.

“There! That guy in the dark suit!” Armin exclaimed, and secretly pointed at the subject.

“Rivaille-san?” Eren asked, raising her eyebrow.

“You know him?”

“I met him properly the other day, and he seems to know my name.”

“Yeah, he asked me about you when you were gone,” Armin reported. “Have you met somewhere before?”

“Not that I know of.”

“Creepy.”

Eren smacked her friend. “Don’t be mean to people, Armin. He seems like a nice person.”

“A nice middle-aged man doesn’t stalk a girl!”

“I’m turning 20 for god’s sake!” Eren complained. “Why are you and Mikasa so overprotective? I’ll take over here.”

“Welcome to Café de Maria!” Eren greeted. “Nice to see you, Rivaille-san! What would you like today?”

“A small espresso.”

“Is there anything else you would like?”

“No.”

“Two dollars, please.”

The man seemed to be listless. “Do you… perhaps— No, can I have a little bit of your time after your shift?”

Eren was surprised. She didn’t see this coming. “My shift ends at 9 pm though. It might be really late for you.”

“I’m heading to work right now, but I’ll come by around 8:30 pm, alright?”

Eren couldn’t say no for some reason.

At exactly 8:30 pm (Eren kept looking at the clock), Rivaille came into the store in his business suit. The man chose a seat beside the window, his direction facing the counter, where Eren stood. Eren can’t help but feel insecure as Rivaille kept on glancing at her, which Armin and Jean found really creepy, and enraged Mikasa. The latter marched her way to the observed guest.

“Excuse me, sir,” Mikasa began. “Do you have a business with my little sister?”

‘Ackerman…’

“I asked for a little bit of her time after her shift ends.”

“May I ask for the purpose?”

“I just want to talk to her. Is there something wrong with that?”

Mikasa couldn’t answer. ‘Shit.’

“Don’t worry, I won’t do anything bad to her.”

Mikasa bowed and made her way back to the employees’ lounge, where she intended to hide her embarrassment.

Rivaille finally put the book down he was reading (or was trying to read) when 9 o’clock stroke. He looked around the workers, who had already started CLEANING the place up, and he noticed that most of these were his subordinates. ‘Kirschstein. Arlert. Ackerman. Blouse. Springer… Jaeger.’

“Sorry for making you wait!” Eren said, as she approached the man who had been waiting for her.

“Don’t worry about it. You were only 5 minutes late upon the agreed time.”

“But you came here a half-hour earlier!”

“I did say I was coming around 8:30 pm.”

“It was exactly 8:30 pm!”

Rivaille found himself smiling like an idiot.

“Ah! You finally smiled!” said Eren. “You always look gloomy, Rivaille-san, but I think I’d like to see you smiling even more.”

‘You always look serious, Rivaille-heichou, but I like it more when you smile.’

“Eren…”

“Ah! I just said something really weird!” Eren said, as she covered her mouth and reddened in embarrassment. “I’m sorry!”

Rivaille smiled longingly. ‘She didn’t change one bit.’

“Rivaille-san?”

“Someone very important to me also said the same thing.”

—

Though the other customers chattered away with varying volumes, there is silence between Rivaille and Eren. It wasn’t an awkward one, and Eren was surprised by the fact that just by being beside this man whom she just met made her feel comfortable. Really comfortable.

“S-Sorry if you don’t find this place suitable for something like this,” Rivaille began, with the intention of breaking the silence. “There aren’t many restaurants stay open until this late.”

“No, no! This is enough,” Eren assured Rivaille. “I like family restaurants!”

That statement didn’t make Rivaille feel assured at all. He sat in his seat uncomfortably.

“Are you, by any chance, bothered by what happened a few days ago?” Eren asked.

‘How did she…?’

Rivaille was surprised, and could only nod as a reply.

“Ah, please,” she said, choosing her words carefully while she spoke. Not because she felt she had to respect Rivaille as a customer, but it’s as if she really had to. “Don’t worry about that at all.” She paused, and wondered whether she should ask what was bothering her…

“Is something bothering you?” Rivaille asked.

‘He can see through me?’

“Ah, it’s really not—“

“Don’t say ‘it’s nothing’,” Rivaille stopped her before she even finished her sentence. “Because I know it’s not nothing, otherwise, you wouldn’t make such a face…”

“Did I?” She didn’t realize that she was making a face at all. Already caught, she fesses up, “This is all very confusing to me. We ‘met’ only a few days ago, but you called me so familiarly.”

She looked up to the man across her, curious about his reaction, only to see that Rivaille looked so intent on listening to her. “I’m not saying it’s rude or anything like that! It’s more like, you sounded like you knew me. Do we know each other from somewhere?”

Rivaille was sort of taken aback. “You really… don’t remember me?”

Eren was tentative with her reply. “I’m sorry, but I don’t.”

There was a pause.

It may be due to Rivaille’s facial expression that Eren decided to say this, despite hesitating a bit on it before. “Will you tell me?”

Rivaille’s thoughts became a mush. “Let me… think about it.”

—

The next morning, Rivaille decided to skip his usual trip to Café de Maria every morning, and went straight to work. As soon as he got to his office, his secretary came in, a smile on her face.

“Rivaille~”

He sighed. “What do you want, Hanji?”

Hanji Zoe is a childhood friend and secretary of Rivaille’s, along with Erwin Smith. Comrades to colleagues, these three are still together. Though he may not show it, Rivaille is actually fond of Hanji, often coming to her for advice (because Rivaille feels comfortable around her).

She sported a sinister smile on her face. “You know, I saw something interesting last night~”

“What is it?” Rivaille sounded annoyed (and it’s because he didn’t get to see Eren’s face), while he took a sip of the coffee Hanji handed him. “You’re creeping me out.”

“You were with a girl late last night, weren’t you?”

Rivaille spat out his coffee. “H-How did you know?” he coughed.

“I happened to pass by the family restaurant at Trost Street on my way to a convenience store. I live in that area.”

‘I’m gonna avoid taking Eren to that place from now on.’

“So?” Hanji asked. “Who’s the girl?”

Rivaille confessed that he’s finally found Eren, and told her the whole story.

“Eh? She doesn’t remember you?” said Hanji.

“Yeah,” Rivaille replied in an almost whisper.

“Rivaille…”

“Maybe she hasn’t regained her memories yet,” Rivaille concluded. “She’s still quite young.”

“Eren is 19 now in this life, right?” Hanji asked. “She should have had all of her memories back by now!”

“I think the age of the person could vary when they would get all of their memories back,” Rivaille theorized.

“Maybe you’re right,” Hanji said. “I got all of my memories back when I was 10, Erwin at age 13, and you…”

Rivaille finished her sentence. “At age 6.”

Hanji, as the one who witnessed everything in Rivaille and Eren’s relationship in the past, knows how much Rivaille wants Eren back in his arms and resume their love that had been interrupted. “Since she has a vague idea that she knew you somehow by now, did she ask to tell you how she met you?”

“Yes.”

“And?”

“I told her that I’d think about it.”

“Which means?”

Rivaille gave a puzzled look, and said, “I’ll think about it.”

“Really,” she said in a plain tone. “Or would you let her lead a happy life without the painful memories of her past life?”

He froze in his seat. His expression softens. “I’ll think about it.”

But Hanji already knows Rivaille will have a difficulty deciding.

—

“Eren looks like she’s in a bad mood,” said Jean.

“Yeah,” Armin agreed.

“That stalker guy didn’t come this morning,” whispered Jean. “Do you think that’s why?”

“Mhm. Mikasa doesn’t look very good either.”

Sure enough, both Mikasa and Eren have a surly expression on their faces.

“Hey!” Connie called out to them as he approached the two. “Two café lattes and a chocolate chip cookie, Jean!”

Jean leaves to prepare the order. Connie takes advantage of the chance to ask Armin.

“Do you know what happened to Mikasa and Eren?” he asked.

“You remember that Eren was picked up by someone last night, right? It seems Eren came home really late last night and Mikasa was worried sick.”

Connie sighed. “Isn’t it about time for Mikasa to stop acting like a mother to Eren? I mean Eren is 19.”

“Well…” Armin seems to be choosing his words. He doesn’t want to spill so much information about certain things. “Mikasa was particularly cautious about that guy last night.”

Connie was confused. “Eh? They know him?”

“I guess.”

“If they do know him,” Connie said. “Then, the guy shouldn’t be a problem, right?”

“The thing is, something happened in the past that made Mikasa like that.”

“Armin, how much do you know?”

“Eh?” Armin was surprised. ‘Does he also have all his memories back?’

Everyone in the café was uneasy due to a certain regular customer that hadn’t showed up the whole day.

Eren dealt with the situation better than anyone, though she is the most involved. She put on a smile on her face, and provided warm and kind service to the customers, while correcting the others’ mistakes (except for Mikasa, since she still did her job perfectly). Though Eren didn’t show a hint of weakness in her work performance, her emotional barometer seems to have been wavering all day. ‘Did I make Rivaille-san upset? Is he angry with me? Is that why he hasn’t come by all day? Stupid me, I shouldn’t have asked! But I wanted to know. I really do.’

At 8:45 pm, there aren’t any more customers coming in, so the whole crew has decided to CLEAN UP, and go home early. Suddenly, they heard the cling sound of the door, indicating that a customer has come in. They all went back to their posts immediately, and found out that the customer who just walked in is the one they had been waiting for all day.

“Ah! He came!” exclaimed Armin, and runs to the employees’ lounge to get Eren.

Jean and Connie decided to man the counter and serve Rivaille, when they felt a pair of eyes, staring so intently behind them. Automatically, they stepped aside without a moment’s hesitation.

Rivaille had been so used to being asked what he wanted that he just said, “A small espresso,” without thinking, and readied his two dollars.

“Can he not feel the weight of Mikasa’s eyes on him?” Jean said, actually scared for Rivaille.

“The guy’s just really weird,” whispered Connie. “Apparently, he knows Eren from before.”

Everyone gossiped about Rivaille, which the subject did not seem to mind at all.

Mikasa stared down at Rivaille from head to toe. ‘Shorty. What does this short, old man want with my cute little sister? So short. My cute Eren deserves way better than this!’ “We’re out of espressos forever.”

“Ah, then—“

“We don’t have that either.”

“Is that so?” Rivaille decided to just let her be. ‘You didn’t change at all, Ackerman.’

The aura around Rivaille and Mikasa is getting heavier and heavier by the second, the people around them are getting scared.

“What the hell is Armin doing?” Jean whispered, equally terrified as everyone else. They are so terrified for Rivaille’s life. ‘Someone save us!’

Eren came to Rivaille’s (and everyone’s) rescue. “Mikasa! Stop giving Rivaille-san a hard time! Go to the back, I’ll take over here.”

“She’s not doing anything, Eren.” Rivaille felt he had to tell the truth.

Everyone had a quizzical look. ‘Not doing anything? THIS GUY IS WEIRD!’

Mikasa couldn’t defend herself, and followed what her cute little sister told her to do. But that doesn’t mean she would avert her eyes on the short man.

“Sorry about that, Rivaille-san,” Eren apologized sincerely. “We’re about to close, but I can get you your espresso.”

“I don’t need it anymore.”

Eren was surprised. “Alright then… Is there anything you need?”

“You.”

Everyone turned their heads to the cashier counter. ‘Waa, this guy is direct.’

Eren blushed, and fumbled with her reply. “M-Me?”

“Yes. Can you come with me after you get off?”

Eren’s heart jumped in joy. She quickly left her post, and went straight to Hannes, the owner and manager of the café, and asked for permission to leave early. Right at the second it was granted to her, she thanked him, bolted to get her things, and quickly dragged Rivaille out of the shop and towards his car.

“You didn’t even bother to get changed,” Rivaille said, pertaining to Eren’s disheveled uniform. She had been so busy directing her attention somewhere other than about last week’s topic that she didn’t even look at the mirror once today. “I’ll wait out here, go get changed inside.”

Eren was silent.

As if reading the air, Rivaille changed his mind. “Well, I guess it’s fine. We’re just going to my place.”

Eren froze. ‘Rivaille-san’s house? Ah, I look like a mess! What should I do? Get changed? But Mikasa..’

Eren snapped back into reality when Rivaille called out to her. “Eren, get in the car before you catch a cold.”

She awkwardly got in the car, and fumbled with the seatbelt. “Um, I’m sorry I look like a mess. I just wanted to get you out of there because Mikasa was giving you a hard time.”

Rivaille turned his car’s ignition on, and pulled out of the parking lot. “I told you, she wasn’t doing anything at all.”

He was quiet for a moment, and came into a realization. “Did she give you a hard time for coming with me last night?”

Silence.

Rivaille took that as a yes. “I’m sorry, I should’ve known she would get mad. After all, a middle-aged man taking a young woman out so late—“

“What’s wrong with that?” Even though Eren was happy that Rivaille called her ‘young woman’, there was still a hint of Rivaille treating her like a child. “Mikasa treats me like I’m a child who doesn’t know anything. It’s irritating, you know?”

‘Does Ackerman have all her memories back?’

“I’m sorry, Eren,” Rivaille apologized. “I didn’t mean it to sound as if I was treating you like a child.”

This made Eren realized that she just lashed out at him. “Wah! U-Um, I’m sorry for acting like a child just now! A 19-year-old acting like that… I’m so embarrassed!” She covered her face in embarrassment.

Rivaille chuckled. ‘I really do feel at ease when I’m with her.’


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- original post date: March 2015  
> \- embarrassing fact: this was also before I realized espressos have a fixed size of a cup – the uber tiny ones – because NO ONE DRINKS ESPRESSO LARGER THAN THAT… to be honest, I just googled which coffee is the most bitter :P

Silence has overcome the two. Eren is uncomfortable with it.

“Just a question,” she began. “Why are we going to your house?”

Rivaille thought the question was weird. “Didn’t we need to talk about last night?”

“Ah, about that…” she trailed off.

“What is it?”

“Um, I was thinking about it yesterday, and I was worried about you. You seemed like you didn’t want me to know for a very good reason, so if it really bothers you to tell me, I’d rather you wouldn’t.”

“…”

“Rivaille-san?”

“I’m sorry, but can this wait until later?”

The only sound in the car was the murmur of the engine, and nothing else. Eren sat rather uncomfortably silent in her seat, trying to look outside the window instead of Rivaille’s pained expression. Right after he indirectly asked her to be silent, he seemed to have sunk into his thoughts and has been wearing that expression since.

She confused herself by thinking up so many questions related to this man she’s currently with. Questions like who he really is to her, their “past” and how did he knew her just from appearance occurred to the girl’s mind at the speed of light. She also found herself wondering why she feels comfortable around this man and why she feels like she’s longing for something.

He was consumed by his own thoughts, thinking of ways how to answer her questions without spilling the whole thing. He has come to the decision that he will at least let her know who he is to her, and let the process of reincarnation to finish. He was, at first, reluctant into saying anything, and was planning on lying about his identity, but Hanji said otherwise, that Eren has the right to know who he really is to her. ‘Damn that four-eyes! Always knows the right things.’

—

By the time they have arrived to the underground parking of Rivaille’s apartment, the older man couldn’t think of anything to say, but has made his gentlemanly gestures towards the girl he’s with. That’s one thing Rivaille is: a gentleman.

The girl responded how she is supposed to. She quietly followed the man and tried her best not to show her nervousness, which the man was able to see right through her, and tried to comfort her with words, as he maintained his distance from her, a good 1m until the elevator tinged, signaling their arrival on their desired floor.

The sweet smell of cleanliness welcomed Eren as Rivaille opened the door to his flat. It was surprisingly clean and very neat for a single, middle-aged man, Eren thought. The arrangement of the room is actually quite unexpected for someone like Rivaille. Eren expected a much more darker and edgy kind of decorations and fixtures in the flat, but witnessed a much more comfortable and uplifting atmosphere.

“I kind of expected your apartment to be more… I don’t know, dark maybe?” said Eren, while Rivaille gestured for her to sit and asked if she would like a drink.

She looked around the room. Though the walls are plain beige, the living room is lightly decorated so it’s easy on the eyes.

Rivaille arrived with her drink and sat on the chair beside her. He gave a low chuckle in response. “I’m sorry my apartment isn’t living up to your expectations.”

“I-I’m not saying it’s a bad thing!” Eren cleared her own statement.

“I’m not offended at all. Really.”

“Sure?”

“Well, everyone says the same thing.”

Eren’s chest ached. Thinking about Rivaille bringing other girls home, she seemed to dislike it. She lowered her head, and almost hated herself for saying this. “So, you’ve brought other girls in here before too?”

“Eren…”

“A-Ahh, what am I saying?!” Eren was surprised about what she said subconsciously. ‘Wait a minute! Why did I hate the idea of Rivaille inviting other girls in here?’ Thinking that she must have sounded like she’s jealous, she blushed and covered her face. “I’m so sorry, please forget about it!”

Rivaille had a widest grin on his face, which he tried to hide by drinking his share of the drink. “It’s okay. I understand.”

Still awkward in her seat, Eren tried her best to veer off the topic somewhere else. She turned towards Rivaille and said, “Um, what is it that you want to talk to me about? Is this about the topic from last night?”

The grin slowly left Rivaille, and he drooped his head. His only response was a nod.

Sudden loneliness went straight through Eren, and she almost regretted asking questions any further.

“Before anything else,” Rivaille said, finding confidence that he will manage to tell Eren at least a bit of their past. “Yes, I knew you from the past. Telling you right now would only confuse you, but you might as well hear it directly from me.”

Eren’s guess was confirmed, and then asked, “H-How come I don’t remember you at all?”

“You’re still in the middle of receiving all your memories from the past. Are you, perhaps, having strange dreams that almost seem real?”

She racked her brains for an answer. Memories? Strange dreams? “Well, I’ve been having weird dreams for a while now. Armin was there, Mikasa was there, and my other co-workers were there too…”

Eren’s sentence’s fade out intrigued Rivaille, and he noticed that tears started running down Eren’s face.

“A-And you were there too…” Eren finished her sentence.

Rivaille couldn’t handle seeing Eren in tears, so he sat beside her and moved her closer to him so she could cry. Eren’s tears didn’t stop; they only came out much faster.

After a few minutes, Eren sat up, and turned to Rivaille desperately. “What were those dreams supposed to mean? Are they the memories you talk about? And who are you really to me? Why do I feel comfortable around you? Why do I feel like you’re someone really important to me?”

Eren’s pained expression made Rivaille angry with himself. ‘I shouldn’t have told her anything so she could have a happy life this time. She was finally rid of any worries and fears, and yet I’m bringing her back the nightmare of the past.’

He couldn’t take it anymore. It pained him to see the love of his life crying this much.

Eren has managed to calm down a bit with the help of Rivaille’s comforting. She looked up at him, and saw that he looks like he is really hurting.

Rivaille asked Eren, “Do you… do you really want to learn your past?”

Eren has been preparing herself to be asked this question, and is now determined with her answer. “Yes. No matter how horrible it was, I want to remember it all, so you won’t hurt any longer.”

In just a split second, Rivaille’s pain was swept away, and is now guilty for being too happy. Who would’ve known that a mere girl can make Rivaille feel extreme emotions?

—

Hanji arrives in Rivaille’s flat 10 minutes later.

“Ah, Eren, this is Hanji,” Rivaille said, pertaining to the woman beside him. “She’s a childhood friend of mine.”

Eren stood up from her seat, and quickly offered her hand for a shake. “I’m Eren, nice to meet you.”

“I know,” Hanji replied with a smile.

Expecting a puzzled reaction from Eren, Rivaille continued his introduction of Hanji. “This person can answer all your questions.”

“Is she… someone who knows me from the past?”

Hanji made herself comfortable on the couch, and gestured Eren to come sit beside her. “I’ll tell you everything in detail, so I hope you’re ready for it, ne?”

She turned to ask Rivaille, who busied himself preparing the usual drink Hanji asks for whenever she comes over. “Rivaille, don’t make me do all the talking. I expect you to be answering questions too.”

Rivaille’s face saddens again, and Eren resolved not to ask Rivaille such questions.

“So? What would you like to ask me?” Hanji started.

—

“Why didn’t you want to tell me?” asked Eren.

This is the first sentence either of them has spoken since they left Rivaille’s apartment. When they finally arrived at Eren’s house, she thought this would be a good (well, the only) chance to could ask him.

The question lingered in the air for a bit before it was answered. “If you splashed black paint all over a colourful painting, it would be ruined.”

And that was his only answer.

—

Wanting an explanation to Rivaille’s “ambiguous” answer, Eren decided to ask Hanji.

“He said that?” said Hanji through the other end. “That’s quite an answer.”

Eren is being eaten by her curiosity. “What do you think he means by it?”

Hanji sighed. “It’s a good thing that you asked me instead of Rivaille himself, because I don’t think he could handle it anymore, especially after today. I would’ve liked to be more detailed than I was earlier, so would you let me do that now?”

“Yes,” Eren said, as she prepared herself for the extension of the stories from her past.

“I’m surprised you’re actually taking this pretty smoothly. I mean, I half-expected you to be crying to Rivaille.”

“I wanted to know everything! From when I was born in that life to when my past life ended. Mikasa and Armin probably already have their memories intact, and I didn’t want to be the only one who doesn’t know a thing. And I just… I just want Rivaille-san to be happy.”

“Eren…” Hanji said, sounding happy. “Darn, I should’ve recorded that for Rivaille to hear! I’ll tell him anyways!!”

“Hanji-san!” Eren can feel her face go hot.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m going to continue. Rivaille… has actually asked me to leave out who he really is to you.”

“So, he’s more than the Lance Corporal?” asked Eren.

“He’s more than your boss, Eren. Gosh, you know, I was really surprised when he said to leave out all information about your relationship with him. I just followed as he said, but seeing you today, telling you all of that and leaving the most important stuff, I just felt like I was doing the worst crime of all. In the past, you and Rivaille are lovers.”

“L-Lovers? Rivaille-san and I?” stammered Eren. She goes red again.

“Mhm. Well, we also were all surprised when we found out. I mean, Rivaille acted so cold to everyone in his past life, and thank god this life’s Rivaille is much gentler now. Rivaille wasn’t exactly the secretive type then, so your relationship was revealed to us indirectly. You were always seen together with him, looking very happy and I remember being surprised when I was stalking the two of you together and Rivaille actually smiled! That was really something! And then, and then, whenever we have a meeting and your name gets mentioned, he has stopped calling you ‘brat’, you know? He would also sometimes see me, and say, “Go see Eren, she might be bored,” or whenever I ask him about you, he would occasionally flash a little smile and he goes all tender! You two were really cute too, because he was so protective of you, and the only other guys that were able to come near you are Gunther, Auruo, Erd, Armin and Erwin. Well, no one outside his squad except Erwin and I really knew about your relationship since you guys were always separated from the rest of us even during missions. After the 57th expedition, Rivaille talked to me more and more about you, and it was evident that he got more protective of you. He did everything he can to protect you, that’s actually why he died, you know?”

Eren froze in her seat. “He died… because of me?”

Hanji realized the mistake in her wording. ‘Ah shit… I said too much. Rivaille is going to kill me.’ “A-ah, no, not like that! It wasn’t your fault at all! When all of the titans were killed, you came out of your titan unconsciously due to exhaustion, but there was one titan that was improperly injured and it attacked you. The titan was about to eat you when Rivaille went in to save you, but he got his left leg bitten off. Unfortunately, he didn’t make it back inside the walls.”

“So, that’s what happened…” Eren said.

“Yeah, so don’t blame yourself, okay? Rivaille isn’t going to be happy if he hears it, and you know, he doesn’t blame you for his death at all, because he did it for you and your baby.”

Eren was confused. “Baby?”

Since Hanji accidentally let her mouth go on and on again, she decided not to hold back and tell Eren everything. “Before the last battle with the titans, we both found out that you’re pregnant with Rivaille’s child, and then he proposes to you when he found out the news, and you two were to be married after humanity has gained peace. But then, you two were called to duty, and even though Rivaille told you not to go, you still fought with us, as a titan.”

Eren was too overwhelmed with all the information of her supposedly past life Hanji told her. She somehow can’t believe that there was an even bigger surprise (to her) left out.

“Then, Rivaille-san didn’t want to tell me that last bit because he knew I was going to blame myself for his death?” Eren asked.

“Uhh, actually…” Hanji began, unsure if she would even answer this question, but she’s already decided to let Eren know everything, since Eren has the right to know. “Rivaille didn’t really want to tell you any of this stuff. I just kind of forced him to because I believe that you have the right to know, especially that you and Rivaille had finally met in this life.”

“So, that’s why you came over to tell me everything?”

“Yes. Rivaille asked me to do so… because he admitted that he couldn’t do it.”

Eren was shocked upon hearing that Rivaille couldn’t do something such as that. Why? Why can’t he?

“I know you’re going to ask why he can’t, and that would answer your question about what Rivaille said to you when he dropped you off.”

“Eh?”

“’If you splashed black paint all over a colourful painting, it would be ruined’, right? Basically, your life right now is the colourful painting, and your past that we just told you is the black paint. Rivaille didn’t want to tell you because he thinks that if he revealed that dark past to you, it would ruin your life.”

“But it didn’t!” Eren exclaimed. “I was glad to hear them—well, not glad, but it’s like it filled the emptiness I feel. And at least, I wouldn’t keep hurting Rivaille-san unintentionally.”

“That’s what I told him, you know?” Hanji assured. “I told him that you would want to know about your past no matter how terrible it is. It will come back to you sooner or later, and since he met you earlier than you had your memories retrieved, we might as well tell you. I know that Rivaille is only thinking about what’s best for you, but when he’s faced with something like that, he has to make a decision that would really be the best for you, even though there will be a negative effect to it.”

“Yeah…” At this time, Eren wondered if it would really have a negative effect to her life.

Hanji felt Eren’s answer waver. “Are you perhaps wondering if you made the right choice?”

“Well, sort of…”

“Are you regretting it?”

“No.”

“Then, what makes you waver?”

Eren has only one reason to waver. “Rivaille-san. If he didn’t really want me to know, then he must deeply care about me, right? But I just disobeyed him, even though he was being really considerate of me.”

“You can blame me for it.”

“Ah no! I wouldn’t do that!”

“He probably knows that I would disobey him and tell you everything anyway, so it’s okay.”

“Ah…”

“I’ll tell him tomorrow at work, so don’t worry about it!”

“Okay… but aren’t you getting yourself in trouble?”

“Yes. He’s totally going to kill me,” Hanji informed her with a laugh. “But, really, don’t worry about it. Rivaille might look like he hates me, but he probably doesn’t know that he actually likes me as his friend. See you soon, Eren!”

With the revelation up to her neck, Eren felt fulfilled and exhausted at the same time.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- original post date: March 2015  
> \- embarrassing fact: this was also before I realized espressos have a fixed size of a cup – the uber tiny ones – because NO ONE DRINKS ESPRESSO LARGER THAN THAT… to be honest, I just googled which coffee is the most bitter :P

‘The world is cruel, yet it is beautiful.’

Eren was suddenly awakened. Along with cold sweat all over her body, she also noticed that there are tears in her eyes. ‘No, that can’t be true. It can’t be!’

She jumped at the sound of her cellphone ringing. She looked at the nearest clock just to check the time. It’s 1:30 am, it said. Who could be calling at this late hour?

“Hello?” Eren said, her voice shaky, as she answered her cell.

“Eren? Sorry, did I wake you? It’s Rivaille,” said the person on the other end, sounding worried.

“Rivaille-san?” Eren almost jumped up to her seat. ‘I must not worry Rivaille-san.’ “Hi, um, is there something up?”

“Ah, no, not really.” Rivaille sounded tentative with his words. “Are you okay?”

“Yes. Why would I not be okay?”

“Well, I was thinking that what happened today may be too much for you.”

“Rivaille-san,” Eren said, and she felt her heart clench. “I’m really okay, don’t worry about it too much.”

“Did Hanji continue it without me?”

“What do you mean, Rivaille-san?” Eren half-faked her answer, in hopes that she won’t get Hanji in trouble, but Rivaille is sharp, as expected.

“Knowing Hanji, she’d probably disobey me and tell you everything anyway. That’s what she did, didn’t she?”

“Uhhh…”

Rivaille chuckled. “It’s okay, Eren, you don’t have to save Hanji’s ass.” He paused for a few moments, waiting for Eren to bombard him with questions as she always does, but since she stayed silent, he continued on with a question. “So, what do you think about what Hanji told you?”

Eren didn’t hesitate to say what’s on her mind. “Why did you leave out a very important part of my life? Didn’t you want to be with me again?”

Rivaille got rather uneasy. He knew he was going to have to say it sooner or later, but hearing it right from Eren herself stung him a bit. “It’s not like that at all! I just… I just thought that you might think it’s disgusting that a 30-year-old is after you romantically. You were also around this age when we were last together in the past life.”

“Do you… still love me?”

Because he didn’t expect Eren to say that at all, he was rather dumbfounded. It took him a few minutes to get back to earth and answer the question sincerely. “I never stopped loving you. Never.”

Hearing this straight from Rivaille made Eren go hot all over, and she has been rendered speechless.

—

“Morning, Eren,” Armin greeted as Eren came in the employees’ locker room before her shift started.

Eren gave a little wave, and was about to change into her uniform when she noticed that Armin has never taken his eyes off her. “Armin?”

“There’s something strange about you today,” he said. “I’m not quite sure what it is, but there’s something… I don’t know, different, maybe?”

“What are you saying? You’re weird.” Eren lied. She knew Armin has always been a sharp kid, but who knew he could sense even a strictly confidential matter. As expected of Armin.

But it wasn’t only Armin who noticed that something changed in Eren. Well, it wasn’t hard for the others not to notice. She had an air about her, and though she seemed a bit darker than she was days ago, she is blooming. That she did not know, though she is feeling really contented and fulfilled at the moment.

When the clock struck 8 am, everyone was kept on their toes for another episode of Rivaille and Eren’s growing relationship. Each of them has a conclusion on what could possibly have happened the other night that made Eren emit pink atmosphere. Some may be over the top fantastical, and some are closely accurate.

At exactly 8:30 am, the protagonist finally arrives, making Eren’s heart beat faster. Somehow, seeing her former lover makes her feel nervous.

Rivaille didn’t show any signs of nervousness or anything at all. In short, nothing changed in him. But underneath his usual composure is a man getting attacked by worst-case scenarios. He called Eren earlier to ask if he could have a talk with her, only to get Eren’s voicemail, which he had no choice but to leave her a message. Like usual, he approached the counter with his usual order already in mind. “A small espresso, please.”

Eren is not her usual self, Rivaille noticed. She fumbled around and readied the order herself, and then asked for Rivaille’s payment without meeting Rivaille’s eyes, whereas the usual would be asking other people to make Rivaille’s espresso just so she could chat with Rivaille.

Rivaille didn’t dare to say anything about it, because he thinks it would only make Eren more nervous. He took a sip of his espresso, and was glad that Eren was acting weird.

“Your mix is perfect,” Rivaille said. “Just the way I like it.”

The members of the crew exchanged glances at each other. ‘Smooth-talker Rivaille strikes again!’

Eren blushed, and stammered with her reply. “Uh, t-thank you very much!”

“Make my drink from now on, okay?”

Everyone in the room, including Eren, made a mental note on it.

—

As soon as Rivaille arrived in his office, he picks up the phone and calls for his secretary, Hanji.

“Four-eyes! Get your ass over here in 5 seconds or you’re dead.”

Within 5 seconds, Hanji arrives in front of Rivaille’s door. She hesitated upon opening it, but Rivaille sensed her presence, opened the door himself and dragged her in.

“DIDN’T I TELL YOU NOT TO TELL EREN ANYTHING ABOUT ME?” he bellowed.

Hanji knew it was coming, so she had already prepared herself. “Eren didn’t hate hearing it, you know? She told me she wanted to know everything about you and your relationship so that she won’t hurt you anymore! Who could refuse such a thought, Rivaille? She was thinking about you!”

Rivaille’s frustration died down. He had always thought of Eren and what would be the best for Eren that he didn’t think about her feelings. “I… don’t deserve her concern.”

“But, Rivaille, she was thinking about you! Don’t you think you could bring back the love you had before?”

This made Rivaille wonder what it is that he really wanted.

—

When Armin came into the employees’ lounge, he saw a black atmosphere clouding upon Eren. He was sure that Eren was emitting pink atmosphere just about earlier, and now he’s seeing dark. He rubbed his eyes in disbelief.

“Eren? Are you alright?” he asked his friend.

Eren was too consumed with her thoughts that she didn’t even notice Armin walk in. Armin’s voice brought her back to reality, and pink atmosphere is about her again. “A-Ah yeah! I’m alright!”

Still concerned about his friend, he knew something’s up. “Is something wrong?”

“Ah, no,” Eren replied. “It’s just that Rivaille-san left me a message saying he wants to talk to me. I just got nervous about it.”

“Well, he’s been picking you up for 3 straight nights now. What do you even do?” Armin asked, with a hint of mystery. “Do you just, I don’t know, go out to eat, or do you go to his place and do ‘stuff’?”

“ARMIN!!” Eren turned red in embarrassment. Sure, she went over to Rivaille’s for the first time last night, but they didn’t do ‘stuff’. On the contrary, in the past…

“So, something already happened, huh?” Armin teased. Armin is the good friend type, but once he takes an interest in a certain topic, he’s unstoppable.

“No! No! NOTHING HAS HAPPENED!!”

Going to take a break at the employees’ lounge, Mikasa overhears this as she came into the room and her mood turns sour. Her icy glare turned to an imaginary Rivaille.

“No, Mikasa! You’re misunderstanding! Nothing happened to Rivaille-san and I!” pleaded Eren.

“Ye-yeah!” Armin defended. He knew pissing Mikasa off is like asking for his early death, especially if it involves her cute little sister. “I was just joking around, you know? ‘Cause Eren blushes so easily!”

Mikasa’s glare turned to Armin. “You sure?”

Armin gulped. “Hahahaha, yeah, I’m just teasin’!”

No one knows how it even happens, but the air around Mikasa becomes all cheery, and her sour mood took a 180 degree turn. She stood up from her seat, went to Eren gleefully, who was sitting, and hugged her from behind. “Of course! I would NEVER let that short man touch my cute little sister!”

Mikasa’s smile is up to her ears. She decided to go back on the floor when Sasha called out for another pair of hands because Connie is running late, and Jean is getting off. She took a drink from her bottle, said, “If he ever touches her…” and exited without finishing her sentence.

“Whoa,” Jean said, as he came in, eyes fixed on Mikasa. “This is the first time I’ve seen her this extreme. Something happened to Eren?”

“We just barely saved our asses,” Armin sighed. “I’ve been friends with her for a long time, but I still find it scary.”

Clock strikes 8:30 pm, and the bell tings, signaling a customer coming in at the almost empty Café de Maria. The crew didn’t even have to look at who just came in, since they all know it’s Rivaille.

And they’re right.

At the sight of Rivaille, Mikasa’s cheery mood (that lasted all day, scaring Armin and Eren), turned, once again, sour. Once again, this got everyone tensed up.

But Rivaille has another plan.

“Eren,” he called out loudly for Mikasa to hear. “Hurry up and get your things, we’re going.”

Eren, nervously shaking at the side, wished that she could telepathically tell Rivaille that no one should EVER piss Mikasa off, especially since it’s him. She quickly grabbed her things (already changed into casual clothing this time), and was about to drag Rivaille out of the store once again, but Rivaille stopped her instead, intending to stay a bit longer.

Everyone (and Mikasa) had their eyes on Eren and Rivaille, as the short man put an arm around Eren like it’s the most normal thing for him to do.

“How was your day, Eren?” Rivaille said sweetly.

Mikasa rage: Level 1

“I-It’s alright,” the nervous as hell Eren answered. She gave in, and decided to just play along. “We were quite busy today.”

“Aww, is that so?” Rivaille continued on with his sweet façade. He gestured for Eren to hand him her bag, in which she did, and holds her hand with his free one.

Mikasa rage: Level 2

He led Eren to the door, and held it for her. He surprised her by planting a kiss on her cheek, which made Eren go beet red, and said, “Thank you for the hard work.”

Mikasa rage: Level 3

‘Good luck, everyone,’ Eren whispered to her co-workers, who remained in the battlefield.

—

Rivaille has been grinning ever since they left the café. Eren is scared.

“I can’t believe I did that!” Rivaille laughed. “Ackerman was enraged!”

“Geez, Rivaille-san…” Eren said. “Mikasa is really going to be angry at you forever.”

“She’s always been angry at me, even in the past, so I don’t really mind it at all. Are you two biologically sisters in this life?”

“She’s been adopted into the family when we were 8.”

“I see.” Rivaille paused. “I’m thankful to her for taking good care of you.”

Eren blushed. This time, she doesn’t have to wonder why Rivaille is so concerned about her.

“I’ll tell her that,” she gladly responded.

The second they arrived in Rivaille’s apartment, he hugs her from behind.

“Rivaille-san?” Eren blushed.

“Thank you for letting me see you and be near you like this.”

She blushes even harder, and finally found her chance to say what has been on her mind all day. “Rivaille-san, I’d like to ask you…”

“Yes?”

“If you are thinking of us getting back together?”

This EARNED a wide-eyed reaction from Rivaille. He spun her around so she faces him, and studied her reactions carefully.

“My memories… I’ve received all of my memories through a dream last night before you called, and I realized that you may want to be with me again.”

“Eren…”

Rivaille was rendered speechless. Eren has finally received all of her memories! But, there is something hindering him…

“We may be in a different situation now, but my feelings for you did not change. I love you, Eren, and I will wait for you until you are ready.”

Eren was overwhelmed by this man, who’s telling her that he has loved her for years, without her knowledge, and saying that he will wait for her no matter how long it takes for her to be ready and fall in love with him all over again.

“But, Rivaille-san…”

“It’s okay,” he assured her. “I won’t rush you. You can take your time slowly. I mean, you just received your memories last night, right? It’ll take you some time to accept it all. And when you have finally accepted it, that’s when I’ll come to attack.” He finished his statement with a smile.

This took the seriousness off of Eren, and the tension in her goes away. “Then, I’ll be ready when you come to attack.”


	5. Extra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- original post date: March 2015  
> \- embarrassing fact: this was also before I realized espressos have a fixed size of a cup – the uber tiny ones – because NO ONE DRINKS ESPRESSO LARGER THAN THAT… to be honest, I just googled which coffee is the most bitter :P

A month had passed since Eren had recovered the majority of her memories. Her relationship with Rivaille seems to be growing and they are getting even closer and closer as the days go by. Rivaille’s routine of going to the coffee shop to grab his espresso every morning and picking Eren up every night hadn’t change, and from just looking, no one is really able to tell if they are together or not. In the case of the café’s crew, they’re not so oblivious about it. Well, there’s no way they can be. For one, the shop’s manager, Hannes has gotten so used to Rivaille coming in and picking Eren up 30 minutes earlier than the actual closing time that he just stopped scolding Rivaille about it.

Right now, it’s 8:20 pm, and Eren, already changed into casual clothing, is waiting for Rivaille in the employees’ lounge. Though she is sitting quietly, many thoughts are racing through her mind per second, and feels like she could explode any moment. Due to her nervousness, she has gone through the contents of her duffle bag to make sure she has everything she needed 4 times already, and our heroine is going for another check.

‘Do I have everything I need? Toothbrush, toothpaste, pillow case in case I drool, house slippers, pyjamas, another change of clothes, cute clothes…’

Yes, cute clothes. And why the duffle bag? Rivaille has invited Eren in a one-night stay at a hot spring hotel for a break from work, courtesy of Hanji.

Eren, in reply, was a bit frantic, but overly excited about it that she did not care about what Mikasa would say, because of course, she would not let Eren go at all.

But Mikasa did find out… from bigmouth Armin, who has also convinced Mikasa to let Eren go on the trip. Mikasa miraculously agreed to it, and Eren has been in cloud nine since.

“EREN!!” Armin shouted excitedly, bringing Eren back to earth. “HE’S HERE!!!”

When Eren came out, she was captivated by Rivaille’s appearance, who’s in a more casual, vacation-like attire, rather than the usual dark suit he wears to work. It’s so obvious that Rivaille is also very excited with this trip due to his mood being a lot more jollier, than the usual intimidating aura he gives off.

“Ah, Eren,” Rivaille said, smiling, as soon as he saw Eren come out to the floor. “Are you ready?”

Everyone in the room is so shocked, as this is their first time seeing Rivaille with ‘HAPPINESS’ all over his face.

“Y-Yes!” Eren responded.

Jean and Armin, who has taken a liking into teasing both Rivaille and Eren, “accidentally” bumped into Eren, causing Eren to lose her balance and Rivaille catching her.

“Are you okay?” Rivaille asked.

“Y-Yeah,” Eren blushed at the sight of Rivaille merely a few inches away from her, not that she hasn’t seen this already, but Rivaille’s get-up makes him look 100x more attractive than he already is.

Rivaille offered his hand for her to hold. “Let’s go?”

Whistles from the crew went wild, making Rivaille and Eren go beet red.

As soon as they left, Armin called out, “Enoy your honeymoon!”

“I-I’m sorry about that, Rivaille-san,” Eren said, completely embarrassed, as she and Rivaille approached the car. “Those guys, really…”

Rivaille chuckled. “Oh, don’t worry about it. Seems like you’re all really close.” Rivaille asked Eren for her bag, and was puzzled. “Why do you have such a big bag like this?”

“It’s everything I would need!”

“Do you girls really need to doll up so much? You’re already cute, so you don’t need to get any more cuter.”

Eren felt her face go hot. She buried her face in embarrassment until Rivaille put her bag in the trunk and got in his seat. Rivaille looked at her with a smile.

“You can sleep for a bit,” Rivaille informed her, as the pull out of the parking lot. “It’s quite a long drive.”

“Eren… Eren… Wake up, Eren,” said a soft, but firm voice of a man.

“Rivaille-heichou?”

When Eren opened her eyes, she realizes she is facing Rivaille, whose face is only inches from hers, said, “I’m glad you woke up. It’s almost midnight, but I thought you might want to try out the hot springs tonight rather than in the morning, so you should go now. The hot springs are open for the hotel’s patrons for 24 hours, so you can still have a soak.”

“Ah, that was refreshing!” said Eren, while she dried her hair with the towel and met up with Rivaille, who had been waiting for her. Rivaille and Eren went down to the hot springs together, but due to the gender-oriented baths, they are to separate, so they agreed to meet up at the entrance. “How was it, Rivaille-san?”

“I’m having fun,” he began. “It was a great idea to come here with you.”

As soon as they got back to their hotel room, Eren grabs her bag and goes to the bathroom to change, while Rivaille is hit with a sudden realization: they are to share the only bed in the room for tonight. When Eren comes out, she sees a frozen Rivaille.

“What’s wrong, Rivaille-san?” she asked.

Rivaille turns to look at her, sees her in a red, silk nightgown that falls up to her mid-thighs, and becomes weak in the knees. ‘Why is she wearing something THAT SHORT?!’

“Ah, Hanji-san gave me this!” Eren showed off the nightgown happily. “What do you think?”

FOUR-EYEEEEEEEEESS!!!!!!!

“I-It looks nice on you.”

Eren’s smile became wider. “Thank goodness! I was a bit hesitant on wearing this, but Hanji-san said you’d like it.”

Rivaille is almost going out of his mind. ‘First, there’s only 1 bed, and now, that? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET SOME SLEEP? Damn you, Four-Eyes!’

Time to sleep…

That is, if Rivaille can actually sleep.

“Rivaille-san?”

“Yes?”

“Are you really going to sleep here?”

With the situation, Rivaille has resolved to sleep in the loveseat in their hotel room, with only a pillow since hotel rooms normally don’t have extra blankets. He lied and told Eren that he’s not sleeping yet, so that she could sleep first.

Eren got curious, and went out to see Rivaille, only to find out that Rivaille has made himself comfortable, and is about to sleep on the loveseat.

“Yes.”

“Why won’t you sleep on the bed?”

“Go on, you can use it. I’ll sleep out here.”

“But you don’t have a blanket, Rivaille-san. You might catch a cold.”

“It’s okay. I never get colds.”

Eren is definitely getting annoyed. Ever since that night one month ago, Rivaille hasn’t made a move on her, nor be intimate with her.

“But, Rivaille-san, aren’t you my fiancé?”

“F-Fiancé?”

“Yeah,” she confirmed, with a questioning look on her face due to Rivaille’s unexpected reaction. “Weren’t we engaged in our past lives?”

“Eren…” With his own assumption that Eren has disregarded their status in the past life, he didn’t expect her to say it at all. “But that is that, and this is us now.”

Rivaille’s response came to Eren like a sharp knife, stabbing her right in the chest. “But— Rivaille-san, are you saying that we should just forget it?”

Rivaille realized that his words came out wrongly, and he had hurt Eren. He sat up and grabbed her hands. “That’s not what I mean at all. What I mean is that, yes, we were engaged in our past lives, but that’s not the case right now, is it? I love you, and that’s why I’m still waiting for you to be ready.”

“Then, don’t just decide all by yourself!” exclaimed Eren, who is now unafraid to show that she really is upset. “I was seriously looking forward to sleeping beside you too…” she mumbled.

Upon hearing this, Rivaille feels like he’s been given a chance, and decides to advance forward. He grabs Eren, and carries her, princess-style.

“WHA— Rivaille-san, please put me down! What are you doing?”

“Carrying you to bed, of course,” he said, and winked at her.

He lays her down gently on the bed, and pulls the sheets to tuck themselves in as Eren made herself comfortable in Rivaille’s arms.

“So warm,” she said.

Rivaille chuckled, and kissed Eren on the forehead as a goodnight kiss. “’Night, Eren.”

In the middle of the night, Rivaille woke up due to an unknown reason. A dream? He set aside the thought and stole a glance at Eren’s sleeping face. ‘Damn it, she’s too cute!’ He was still in cloud nine when Eren started moving around and mumbled something. He couldn’t make out the words, but from the looks of it, she looks like she is having a bad dream.

“Eren! Eren!” he called out to her. “Wake up, Eren!”

“Ri…vaille…heichou.”

‘Did she just call me?’

“Hei…chou…”

Rivaille decided to answer her calls. “I’m here, Eren. I’m here.”

“I’m… sorry, Heichou… Forgive me.”

“Eh?”

“I’m sorry.”

Eren suddenly wakes up. Sweaty with cold sweat, she seemed to be a bit disturbed with the dream she just had, and also confused as to whether that was a dream or a fragment of her memories.

“Eren! Eren!”Rivaille calls to her to fully bring her back to reality.

Eren made no response, and is still shaking from the impact of the nightmare she just had.

“It’s okay,” Rivaille embraces her, so that she will feel protected and also to tell her that he is there for her. As this had happened to him and had seen the same thing happened to others during the process of reclaiming their memories, he knows very well how to comfort the person enduring the process. “It’s okay. It’s scary, right? But don’t worry, we are safe now. Tell me everything the dream has told you, alright?”

“Ri-Rivaille-san…” Eren began speaking of her dream, to relieve her of it. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry I couldn’t live on for our child.”

Rivaille was shocked. ‘This is probably the last piece of memory that she lost: her death.’

‘Before the final war with the titans, Eren finds out that she is pregnant with Rivaille’s child, and upon knowing this, Rivaille proposes to Eren, which she happily accepts, and they are to be married when Humanity finally gains their peace. When the war with the titans was about to commence, Eren and Rivaille are called to duty, and despite Rivaille’s dismissal of Eren due to her pregnancy, Eren still fought, as a titan, alongside Rivaille because she felt it is still her duty as a soldier to fight for humanity, whatever her condition is.

The last of the titans are finally eradicated, and Eren, coming out of her rogue titan, was unconscious due to exhaustion, as it still drains her energy to produce and control the titan, even after years of getting used to it. One of the titans near Eren was improperly injured, charged toward Eren, planning to devour her. Rivaille, who’s keeping an eye on her from a distance, was distracted as his Scouting Legion comrades celebrated their victory. Upon seeing the situation, he goes to attack as soon as he sees it. The titan was about to bite Eren in half when Rivaille interfered, and gets his left leg bitten off. Hanji and Erwin came after him, and killed the titan with their hands. Eren, gaining consciousness while on a wagon on the way back to the Walls, finds a severely injured Rivaille beside her, caressing her face on the last few minutes of his life. Hanji, who was looking after them in the wagon, told her what happened. Eren blamed herself for being incompetent and for Rivaille’s injury. Rivaille confessed that he saved her so that she and the baby could live on, even if it cost him his life. He entrusted Eren and the baby to Hanji, which Hanji, though overwhelmed, accepted it for her comrade. Feeling relieved, Rivaille whispered, “Eren… live on,” and closed his eyes to sleep eternally.

Shortly after their arrival inside Wall Rose, Eren was to be executed, ordered by the King, to kill even the last titan-shifter. Military Police soon got custody of her, and was tortured in the cell. The treatment got even worse when they found out Eren was pregnant, and it was decided to push the date of her execution earlier. Hanji, wanting to keep his promise to Rivaille, did everything she could to get Eren out or even just to visit her in her cell, but it was strictly ordered that no one could come near her cell, and for once, the Military Police became the faithful watchdogs of the King.

Until the day of her execution, Eren has not seen any of her comrades from the 104th Cadet Corps – only Hanji, in replacement of Rivaille, and Erwin Smith, the 13th Commander of the Scouting Legion, the military branch to which Eren has belonged. Since the MPs didn’t know how to actually kill a titan, they turned to Hanji, who does titan research, to instruct them. It pained Hanji to be the one instructing Eren’s death, as she was the one Rivaille entrusted Eren to, so she refused to the point that they warned her that she was to be charged with treason if she didn’t help them. When she got a glimpse of Eren genuinely smiling at her, it’s like she had a sudden telepathic communication with her. ‘I don’t want to give you trouble, Hanji-san. Please do it. Rivaille-heichou, the baby, and I forgive you.’ Hanji painfully told them what to do, and Eren’s last words are, The world is cruel, yet it is beautiful.’

Eren’s nightmare finished the process of reclaiming her memories.

After she has told everything, Rivaille’s embrace of her became tighter. He placed his hand on her head, and drew his head closer to her so she could cry on him.

“You don’t need to apologize. It’s not your fault at all.” Rivaille’s comforting words got to Eren, which made her cry even harder to the point that she couldn’t speak.

Rivaille comforted the distressed Eren until she has fallen asleep. She fell asleep in a protective fashion, her arms around him tightly.

‘That’s the end of the reclaiming process, huh? Thank goodness, she looked like she was about to break. I don’t want to see her like that ever again.’

When morning came, Eren was awoken with a pair of lips locking with hers. Thinking it was a dream, she kept her eyes closed, but when she heard a man’s chuckle, she opened up her eyes to see that man in front of her.

“Did you think it was only a dream? You looked like you were enjoying it.” Rivaille teased.

Eren turned red, and in her embarrassment, hid inside the sheets.

Rivaille pulled the sheets with no success. “Hey, Eren! Come out now! I’m sorry I teased you. I wouldn’t do it again, I promise!”

“No!”

“Come on, Eren! I’m sorry, okay?”

Even though more than 10 minutes had already passed, Eren showed no signs of coming out. Rivaille has already tried saying things that would make her come out, but she didn’t budge.

“Eren, aren’t you hungry? Come out now, and we’ll call to have them bring food in,” and that was Rivaille’s last persuasion.

And he was answered by Eren’s grumbling stomach.

After breakfast, Eren dragged Rivaille out to the hotel’s garden for a walk… or so she said, but she had another reason for the change of location.

“Rivaille-san… um…” She hesitated a bit, but resolved into telling Rivaille as early as possible in fear that he will one day get tired of waiting for her and leave her. Her reason was that she already had a month to prepare herself and think about it thoroughly. “There’s… something I’d like to tell you.”

Rivaille has been kept at the edge of his seat for all this time. He has been seeing Eren for a month, and whenever he sees her, she would be deep in her thoughts while wearing an expression of uncertainty, confusion, and longing all mixed together. This has got him thinking all the worst-case scenarios that maybe Eren is tired of him persistently hanging around her.

“Alright,” he said as calmly as possible. “I’m listening.”

“I’ve been thinking about this thing between us. We aren’t dating, but we are doing things that cause people to mistake us as a couple. You tell me that you love me and that’s why you’re willing to wait until I am ready. I know you have already waited more than 10 years to meet me, and telling me that you’ll wait as long as it takes for me to be ready, that made a great impression on me, you know? A person can only wait for so long before they get tired and stop waiting, so even though I’m scared to do it, I waited to see if you’ll get impatient and leave me, and if you stayed, then that means you really love me. As the days go by, I began to think of you more and more, and whenever we are together, I wanted time to stop so that it wouldn’t end. You just suddenly came into my life and made an impression like that, how can I not think of you? If this is love, I don’t know, Rivaille-san, but this is how I feel about you.”

Rivaille was so overjoyed with Eren’s confession that he ran up to her, and lifted her off her feet.

“That was the most beautiful confession I have ever heard! I love you, Eren.”

When her feet finally reached the ground, he inched his face to hers to give her a gentle kiss. She blushed, and replied, “Rivaille-san… I… I love you too.”

The next morning, Eren came in early for her shift, refreshed and incredibly happy. It did not take that much for the people around to sense that something good has happened, which lead to some people’s delusional conclusions.

“Welcome to Café de Maria!” she beamed at the short man with blue eyes filled with joy. “I made your espresso in advance, Rivaille-san!”

“Thank you,” said Rivaille, and flashed her a sweet smile.

The crew had also sensed that something changed in Rivaille, which got them even more intrigued, and decided they would interrogate Eren later.


End file.
